Soak it up Larry, this is what you wanted, this is what you earned, what you lost me for, what you lied to me for.
Lawrence shook his head, fighting the voice in his mind. Adam was the main reason that he was stuck in the bathroom in the first place; Adam was the reason why he was stuck to that pipe with a shackle around his ankle, Adam was the reason for him having to cut his own foot off, Adam was the scar around his ankle for the emergency operation, Adam was the problem and Adam was gone. The only thing left was his voice, that damned voice that floated around in his head like a thin mist.
Well go inside Larry, go give the wife you don’t even love anymore a big kiss on her lips and give your daughter you never see a hug. Tell them your home from work, you know where you were. I know where you went, but I promise not to tell them anything. It’s so much more entertaining to see you lie to everybody like the coward you are. Right? Right Mr. ‘I promise you’ll be okay.’?
Lawrence looked at the driveway shaking his head again. “Shut up Adam….your gone.” Lawrence felt his throat closed up and sore, throbbing like he had a lump he just couldn’t swallow. A painful emotion he just couldn’t get down into his stomach where it could dissolve and leave him alone.
Aw. Isn’t this cute. I would think you missed me! The voice taunted above his grasp. Lawrence closed his eyes and looked at the picture that always came to his minds view. It was Adam, his white shirt covered in dirt and grime, his black matted hair in a perfect disarray, his jeans fitting so loosely on his thin frame, his eyes so clear and perfect they were. That very last second when Lawrence had put his hand on Adam’s cheek, had felt the fear, the trust, the love, everything in that boy had melted into a puddle on the floor with his blood, all pooling beneath the two. When Adam grabbed for Lawrence’s hands he felt so cold……so insanely cold…
Aw, I think you do miss me! Isn’t that just the sweetest thing?
“Shut the hell up already.” Lawrence walked up to the door, the door to his perfect house, with his perfect life, without that little imperfect vermin that his mind kept returning to…..
“As I walk in a room filled with gloom. I don't know what to do”.
Alison was waiting in the kitchen, it seemed like ever since the bathroom everything was even more quite around here than it had been before and that made Lawrence uncomfortable beyond belief. There was something so empty that he hadn’t felt when he was in the room with Adam….stupid, ignorant, faulty Adam.
“Suddenly, my life has changed
As another one's been taken”
Sure, everything was my fault. I’m the one who told you to screw your interns right? I told you I don’t care what you do. So it must have just been all my fault right?
Lawrence didn’t want to say shut up, it would seem like he was talking to Alison and that would get her mad. He didn’t want to start a fight, not right now, not when his mind wasn’t….normal. His mind kept returning to that feeling, those cold small hands on his….
He quickly kissed Alison on the lips, her parted chapped lips looked nothing like Adam’s soft perfect ones. He closed his eyes and for a second that mental picture of Adam, sitting across the room from him was there only this time he wasn’t sitting across the room he was right in front of Lawrence. His hands on Lawrence’s hips, his body pressed closed, he was freezing cold, and with his chest next to Lawrence’s he could barely feel a heartbeat. His lips were parted, his eyes closed, his lips so close…..
Lawrence opened his eyes quickly and looked at his wife who was standing just as Adam had been mentally a few seconds ago. She kissed him quickly before he pulled away from her hands.
“I’m….I’m not feeling so great. I’m going upstairs to lay down…’ He choked out, his eyes wandering down to the tiles on the floor. She couldn’t see what he saw, she couldn’t see Adam…..
“Hope your not getting sick.” Alison said before returning to the stove, she was making some kind of stir fry but Lawrence didn’t care, he tried to look calm as he made his way upstairs, his right foot hurting with the steps, the familiar pain now had another meaning.
“I find myself in a daze as the sorrow grows”
You can’t tell me your starting to feel guilty? Doctor Lawrence Gordon, guilty of killing the guy he has a crush on! What a great headline.
Lawrence was now in the bedroom, he closed the door before replying to the voice in his head.
“I don’t like you, I hate you for what you’ve done to me, to my family, I hate you so much and you deserve what happened. You deserved to die. So why can’t you just leave me alone?”
“ Please give them words of comfort so they may rest in peace. ”
Larry, Larry, Larry, how can you hate me if you can picture yourself so easily kissing me! And I thought you just liked chicks man, boy was I wrong. I didn’t even read a little gay in you but oh well, Guess I’m wrong. Was that why you killed me? Because you wanted me?
The voice actually smirked, because now the voice was so much more than a voice, it seemed like the image that only appears behind Lawrence’s closed eyes was before his wide open ones. An apparition. Lawrence’s mind wandered, now forming incomplete sentences, short phrases of no real meaning.
This isn’t happening….I have to be getting sick….some kind of ….. hallucination…..guilt trip…..tiles……stir fry…..I cut off my own…..he died…..he can’t be……his hands……so cold…..
If a mind could totally shut down, Lawrence’s did just that as Adam moved before him, yes that was Adam, no question about it. He was wearing what he had worn that day; there was a hole in the shoulder and a little blood but nothing else wrong. There was still a shackle on his left foot, and he looked like he had just got up and walked out of the bathroom sick of the games and fed up with sitting around.
The slim body moved closer to Lawrence who was sitting on the bed in a state of shock was so dizzying he couldn’t remember when he had sat down all he could get through his mind was ‘I left him. He’s dead. I left him. He’s dead. I left him. He’s dead. I - ’
You left me, yes, yes you did that and you also killed me. You said you were the only person. You said you were shackled to a pole and you cut off your own foot and you escaped by yourself. You lied to everybody. Its not like anybody would miss me, a nothing photographer. Just stupid little Adam who maybe sold some pictures every now and again, but everybody would miss you, a very important doctor. So, you promised never to leave me, and since you did, Well hell I decided that I’d never leave you!”
“And I can't stand this bad feeling,
Looking at you across the room today, today.”
Lawrence watched as Adam walked closer and closer, his heart racing, leaping, failing, his mind racing screaming, pleading, begging, needing him to get up and run, run for his life and yet nothing wanted to move. The only part of him that moved was his lips.
“Adam….I…..I don’t know what to say….I mean….I just…..”
Yeah, this doesn’t happen everyday buddy. You are the only person who can see me of course, because I choose to appear to you. Which, if I follow you around like a coattail for the rest of your life then you can’t really talk to me unless we’re all alone and by “we” I mean “you” or else you’ll be called crazy, and sent far, far away. And before you think about that, realize then it would just be me and you in your nice little white room because I’m not going away just because of that.
Lawrence couldn’t do anything but nod his head slowly. Adam noticed and decided to speak up again.
Good, glad you got it. Now….About before, kissing me in the kitchen? Man you’re sinking low. Screwing your employees and imagining about a dead guy. Not only a dead guy but one you killed! Man, I don’t get you.
“How do you know what I think about….what I imagine.”
Well your imaging me, right now, so why cant I see your other little day dreams?
Lawrence felt everything leaving him, all his feelings, everything as Adam came closer and closer to him, inches away from the edge of the bed, he ran a pale, dirty hand through his hair, messing it up a little more.
So….you’ve been thinking about me for a while haven’t you? I mean you reek of it, seriously. You must be gay….Seriously, I know your little piece of ass downstairs is clueless but I’m not. You’ve been picturing me when you kiss her, her lips on yours turn into my lips against yours. Her hands are mine, her skin is mine, her hair is mine, god man, I don’t know if I should be shocked or what.
Lawrence felt the chills run through his body as Adam reached the bed, his thin body seemed … colder, paler, bigger than before, maybe it was because he was closer, or maybe it was because he was in Lawrence’s mind but either way Lawrence was freezing.
Now you know how it feels, to be so damn cold every damned second of your life, to come home to an apartment where the paint if peeling off the walls, where the only light is covered with so much dust that you can only see half the room. How it feels when it’s so bright outside, so warm, and yet you can’t get warm….
Adam looked down at the floor; suddenly he seemed like a child. A confused, small innocent child looking for his mom. Lawrence couldn’t keep looking at him without his heart breaking, he looked to the window. The yellow light streamed through the blinds unleashing thin rivers of the light on the ground in perfect lines, although looking at this made Lawrence feel like it should be a comfortable heat in the room it was freezing…
Adam leaned down to Lawrence, he was both not there and there, somebody who seemed intent on the topic at hand but yet not interested in the person he was talking to.
Well let’s see how much you like the real thing.
The sun is shining bright outside,
And I can't stand to fight.
Lawrence looked up at the younger, dead, man to see what he meant and was instead caught, stuck in his place, suddenly soft, perfect, ice cold lips crashed down upon his own sending chills through his entire body, Adam’s hands worked their way to Lawrence’s waist and pulled him up from the bed. Lawrence couldn’t pull away, not because he didn’t want to but because he was frozen, it felt like he had just fallen off the Titanic and into water that was 20 degrees below zero. His body was stiff, void of all feeling, he felt for a few gut wrenching seconds his lungs stop, his heart stop as Adam breathed into his forcibly open mouth, feeling the icy fingers wrap themselves around his heart and squeezed, he felt it run through his body freezing blood in his veins, freezing everything about him, the ache in his mind, the pain in his ankle, the soreness in his chest, everything froze and was replaced with a icy chill.
Lawrence wanted to open his eyes more, pull away, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, the vision he did have started to get dull, dark, black….he was going to pass out, Adam was going to kill him. Instead just before Lawrence could pass out Adam pulled away. Lawrence fell, panting, clutching at his slowly defrosting chest, his slowly pumping heart, his heart that didn’t seem to want to work but had to, the room swam around for a bit, the bed was revolving in circles while Adam just stood in front of him, hands on hips and a smile on his arrogant face.
Finally Adam felt he could stand up, he felt like he could move and he had minor pain, yet he shivered, he didn’t think he’d ever be warm again. With the world finally settling down around him he felt Adam sit down on the bed next to him, felt a very light, movement, a very light weight shifting on the bed as if he only weighted a pound or two. Of course he was a fucking ghost what was he suppose to weigh?
I do pride myself on being a good kisser but I never took anybody’s breath away quite like yours.
Adam winked an arrogant wink, smiled a smile that seemed to charm everything with a heart, Lawrence felt something in his chest, something both cold and warm. Something like that icy hand that squeezed his heart but it felt like his heart was fighting back, as if it wanted to be squeezed again and again and again until there was no more fight left….
This is the start of a beautiful relationship Adam said, letting his arm wrap itself around Lawrence’s waist, Lawrence felt a chill rush through his body and even through it was cold it also felt….good. Something about it felt right, something about it felt amazing and perfect and beautiful. Lawrence looked at Adam. He saw that blank look in his eyes, that cold chill and he felt that Adam had never been more right….
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Comments
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-Vampire Knight is da bestest!
--
So if I'm like "what was that? What was that?" Don't say, "Oh, it was satan. You'll be fighting him in like two seconds."
--
Shit!!! I lost my fuck!
--
-Vampire Knight is da bestest!
--
So if I'm like "what was that? What was that?" Don't say, "Oh, it was satan. You'll be fighting him in like two seconds."
--
Shit!!! I lost my fuck!
--
"The hardest part was letting go, but it became easier when I watched you fall into the sea."~ Arai
Yeah, I like Yaoi. What's so bad about that?
--
So if I'm like "what was that? What was that?" Don't say, "Oh, it was satan. You'll be fighting him in like two seconds."
--
Shit!!! I lost my fuck!
--
"The hardest part was letting go, but it became easier when I watched you fall into the sea."~ Arai
Yeah, I like Yaoi. What's so bad about that?
--
So if I'm like "what was that? What was that?" Don't say, "Oh, it was satan. You'll be fighting him in like two seconds."
--
Shit!!! I lost my fuck!
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